Do you remember the magic you felt with that first kiss? Or the excitement you felt waiting for the phone to ring so you could talk throughout the night? And now, like a soda that has lost its’ fizz, you need a way out. But as the saying goes, breaking up is hard to do. At least for most of us it is a task we wish someone else would do for us. The other person usually deserves the dignity of a reason why your heart no longer beats rapidly just because they are near.
I bet you have heard of those not-so-kind breakups; you know the breakup by text message or maybe leaving a message on the answering machine. It’s hard to believe that someone you shared your deepest feelings with, or at least a real fun time, is now telling you “let’s just be friends” by a text message. These are probably not the best ways to tell your ex-significant other, that your moving on in life alone; or at least going on with someone new. So here are a couple ideas I have seen to help you through this sticky situation. Here are a couple of ideas that will have him breaking up with you; that way he not only breaks up with you but you break up guilt free.
Stop having sex with him – This is like taking the water out of the fish bowl. He won’t be able to survive. You could say you want the relationship to grow to a new level and you think the easiest way to do that is to stop having sex. Of course he may plead and beg, but if you stay your course he may be telling you he thinks you are both growing apart and breaking up may be the best thing for the both of you. Now, this does have its drawbacks. Guys will stay with you for months if they think one day you will open up the golden gates again. The other drawback is that he may just stay with you because you do other things he likes (i.e. cook, clean, etc.). You will take care of him and he will find some other girl to fulfill his sexual needs. So use this one at your own risk.
Tell him you were once a guy and you had a sex change – This may be hard for most of you girls to pull off, but with the proper lighting and special affects, you may be able to have him running for the hills faster than you can say break-up. Now most guys, whether they admit it or not, are homophobes. Just the thought of touching another guy will give him goose bumps. If you can give can spit on the floor or rip a good fart in front of him that should convince him that you used to be a guy. Disclaimer: If you are smoking hot or great in bed, this probably won’t work for you.
Always be to busy for him – No matter when he calls; your too busy. If he invites you to 
dinner, a club or a movie you “always”; let me say that again, “always”, already have plans. But remember, you have to tell him your doing something that he doesn’t like or he will just invite himself to go out with you. Here is an example: He calls you up one Saturday afternoon to invite out dancing that night. Now, if you say you can’t go because you and a couple of your girlfriends are going to a party at the beach; you just shot yourself in the foot. Instead you could say that you’re going to a 3 hour woman’s seminar on how to get in touch with your feminine side. If your guy says he will go with you, he’s gay.
Join the woman’s right movement – After joining the movement you can let him know that your relationship needs to be 50/50 for everything. Tell him how women are equal to men in every aspect of life. Whenever your together and he tells you a story of how he hit a home run, or how he shot the game winning basket; just laugh and say, “I could take you bitch!” Then grab your crotch, belch real loud and challenge him to an arm wrestle. This will either scare him away or turn him on. Try it at your own risk.
Scare him into leaving – One day when you are both having a nice romantic dinner, show him a copy of the life insurance policy you took out on him. You really don’t have to take out a policy on him, just have him believe you did. If the papers alone don’t do the trick, start adding odd flavors to his food and drink to make him feel uneasy. For example, one day as your sharing a couple of glasses of wine, put a touch of vinegar in his glass. When he asks you if the wine taste funny, just giggle and tell him no that it tastes fine to you. And when he asks you to taste his wine, accidentally drop it and while staring him dead in the eye say, “Oops it slipped.” Unless he is dumber than a rock or you are dating a psycho, he should already be planning his exit from your relationship. But if you are dating a psycho guy yourself, be prepared to have him show up with an insurance policy that he took out on you. He may think this is just a fun game you started to play.
These are just a few basic ideas to get your creative juices flowing. I am sure there are dozen of women already improving on these ideas. Remember, you know your guy better than anyone else. You choose the idea that best fits your situation. If you have another idea you would like to share with your fellow women, leave a comment or drop me an email and I will be sure to share the news.
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