Advice From Dad

As a kid, I always looked up to my dad and I lived on every word that came out of his mouth. You know those gems that only he could say like, “Never throw the first punch, but if you do you better not lose!” These are words of advice that were passed down from generation to generation. These were invaluable pieces of information that didn’t mean a thing when I heard them, but saved my butt a bunch of times when I needed them.

I thought I would share a bit of his wisdom with you all through this article. Who knows, maybe one day, these words may help you out of a situation. But I must say in all honesty that over the years I have heard stuff in locker rooms, bars, poker night with the guys and sporting events. I can’t remember exactly if all these I am going to list are something my dad told me or if it was a drunken guy sitting next to me at the bar. So take the list with a grain of salt.

1. Never slap another guy in the ass unless he just hit a grand slam, had a monster slam dunk or you’re dancing in a gay disco.
2. There are only two reasons to tell another guy you just got lucky: a.) you just won the lottery b.) You just had sex with a playboy centerfold.
3. Chess is not a sport; it’s a hobby.
4. Never, and I do mean never, get drunk and fall asleep in a room full of guys.
5. Alcohol doesn’t make you a better dancer, better at sex or even funnier; it just makes you think so.
6. If you end up having sex on the first date or having a one night stand, try to remember the girls’ name. If you are bad at names or if you were to drunk to remember it, use the post it trick. (See photo).                                                                                                                             
7. Unless you and your girl are into S and M, don’t ever call her a bitch.
8. If your girlfriend knows more sex positions than you, there is probably a good reason.
9. The only acceptable foods to eat at a ball game are as follows: hot dogs, peanuts, nachos (basically any junk food). Wash it all down with a cold beer.
10. If you have a really hot girlfriend, never leave her alone with your guy friends.

Well there are many more but those are the top ten. They aren’t really rules but more of a general guideline. If you can think of any others, add them in the comment section.

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